| Problem
of Violence (3): Building Proper Homes
December 9, 2007
by Harry Osborne
The tragic reality of violence in
our society was emphasized with the teenage gunman
in Omaha that killed nine and wounded more last week.
The previous articles in this series have considered
our growing problem of violence among young people.
We have already shown any solution must include the
practice of proper discipline learned within the home.
Yet, that discipline will not be effective unless
it is administered with the proper spirit. The Bible
presents the discipline needed as an outgrowth of
a parent's love for a child. Now, we want to direct
our attention to how love is cultivated within the
home. God's word has the answer and we must turn to
it, heeding what He says.
Love Within the Home
First, as the core of the home, a marriage must be
built upon love. Not merely a love of mutual attraction
and "chemistry," but a deeper love. The
love God says ought to exist in a joyful home is one
that is selfless. The required love gives unconditionally
without requiring a return. It seeks what is right
and what is best for others. It is the kind of love
described by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
Love suffers long and is kind;
love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is
not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek
its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not
rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears
all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things. Love never fails.
Husbands should love their wives as
Christ loved us when He died for us (Eph. 5:25). That
love must mean more to the husband than all he owns
(Song of Solomon 8:7). He must never leave that love
to engage in adultery (Prov. 5:15-20). Such a love
would never even contemplate abuse, much less act
to inflict physical harm or use the tongue to berate
and leave unseen scars that last even longer. When
this love is present, a husband will be earnest in
his care and concern for his wife. He will not seek
to fill his life with hobbies that take him away from
her on a continuing basis. Love seeks the presence
of its object, not an absence from such. In short,
a loving husband finds his ultimate joy in providing
for and participating in the happiness of his wife.
The kind of love God instructs for
marriage is one that can be taught (Titus 2:4). It
is just such a love that causes the wife to seek the
happiness of her husband (Eph. 5:24). This kind of
wife is pictured in Proverbs 31:10-31. She is not
one who looks with bitterness upon her place in the
home, nor upon her husband. Instead, she shows the
example of joyful service that draws her husband closer
to the Lord by her example (1 Pet. 3:1-4). A loving
wife looks with delight upon the happiness and accomplishments
of her husband and is truly a helper, designed by
God, each step of the way.
Where love exists between the husband
and wife, it will naturally be extended towards the
children as well. Children will see love defined and
exemplified each day as it is lived before their eyes.
Parents, it is our responsibility to let love be seen
as the norm for conduct within the home. Where love
is seen in word and action in the daily lives of the
husband and wife, a powerful lesson is presented for
the children in that home -- love is the expected
standard for the behavior of all therein. Where that
love is absent, children will also be deprived of
learning and experiencing the love God intended. When
the husband and wife do not have the proper love for
one another, the stage is set for multiplied problems.
Children learn about love from their
parents. When the love is not present in the home,
the children will grow to imitate that same lack of
love in their homes. What is the result? A multiplying
of more and more unhappy, unloving homes with each
generation. That lack of love will be displayed in
bitterness and aggression between the husband and
wife, then towards the children, and finally towards
others whom those children contact. Unloving homes
often are broken apart by divorce. It is beyond dispute
that children of divorce experience greater risks
of abuse, neglect, deprivation, future divorces in
their marriages and other dangers. These problems
merely set the stage for a cycle of more seeds of
bitterness and the consequences wrought upon the next
generation. The effects are being seen in our society
today with the rising rates of teen violence. It should
be no surprise when children who see bitterness, hatred
and despair as the norm in life exhibit the fruits
of the attitudes they have learned. When we look at
the mess present in families across our nation, it
is amazing to me that the situation is not worse.
We are merely reaping what has been sown by a selfish
and unloving generation (Gal. 6:7-9; Prov. 14:34).
On the other hand, when the proper
love is shown in the home, children grow to imitate
that love in their families as well. The result of
such families is a blessing to each member and to
the people around them. Society reaps the benefit
of homes filled with love.
Respect For God
Second, God must be respected in the home for it to
be complete. The psalmist said, "Unless the
Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build
it" (Psa. 127:1). A joint effort to serve
God provides the direction for the family to work
together throughout life (1 Pet. 3:7). That joint
commitment reaches past life into eternity. It gives
a lasting quality to the love God expects of each
member of the family as they unite in loving service
of something greater than self.
As the wise man of old said, "Fear
God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole
of man" (Eccl. 12:13). God designed us as
creatures who should reverently serve Him. When that
central purpose of man is overlooked, it leaves one
without the proper foundation for all aspects of life.
Surely the need for this foundation of life was emphasized
by the very one God chose to pen the words. Solomon
was blessed by God with great gifts in wisdom and
wealth, but he did not fear God and keep His commandments.
Was Solomon's family benefited or harmed by his failure
to respect God? The answer is obvious.
However, that respect for God must
not only be present in the lives and teaching of the
parents, it must come to dwell within the children
as well (2 Tim. 1:3-5). Scripture clearly shows that
the righteousness present within the parent does not
automatically flow to the child (Ezek. 18:5-13, 20).
A child may be raised in a loving home where God is
respected and yet chose a different path in life.
Such a child will often show the signs of bitterness
and violence as the rebellion against the path of
God has its destructive effect on a sinful life. In
the end, each individual is responsible to fear God
and keep His commandments. Failure to do so places
the seeds of bitterness within the heart that will
destroy it.
Conclusion
Today's society has denied these two important components
to successful families. Instead of selfless love for
another, the selfish "what's in it for me"
attitude has prevailed. Instead of jointly serving
God, people have increasingly denied God the rightful
place as Lord and Master of their lives. Examining
the evidence seen around us daily shows there is enough
blame to go around. One does not need to look far
to see husbands and fathers who are not providing
leadership in love, commitment, selfless service and
godly living. In many cases, this is where the bulk
of problems within families originates. However, as
the feminist mentality takes hold of more and more
women, the bitterness and selfishness characteristic
of that movement have caused untold destruction on
families. In their effort to seize control, they forsake
the heart of service that could bring them greater
peace. Our society is suffering the effects.
The family that God describes in the Bible still works.
It is still a place where joy and peace abound. This
kind of family can be built if each member of the
family sets his heart to love the others more than
self and seek God's will above all else. Let us build
the kind of homes God designed in His word.
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