Violence & Building Proper Homes (3)
January 20, 2011
by Harry Osborne

In the previous articles of this series, we have considered our society's obvious problem of violence and its troubling manifestation among young people. We also showed the need for proper discipline within the home that would help prevent violence by instilling a respect for authority. The Bible presents the discipline needed as an outgrowth of a parent's love for a child. Now, we want to direct our attention to how love is cultivated within the home. God's word has the answer and we must turn to it, heeding what He says.

Love within the Home

First, as the core of the home, a marriage must be built upon love. Not merely a love of mutual attraction and "chemistry," but a love which is deeper, seeking the best for the other. The love God says ought to exist in a joyful home is one that is selfless. The required love gives unconditionally without requiring a return. It seeks what is right and what is best for others. It is the kind of love described by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved us when He died for us (Ephesians 5:25). That love must mean more to the husband than all he owns (Song of Solomon 8:7). He must never leave that love to engage in adultery (Proverbs 5:15-20). When this love is present, a husband will be earnest in his care and concern for his wife. He will not seek to fill his life with hobbies and activities which take him away from her on a continuing basis. Love seeks the presence of its object, not an absence from such. In short, a loving husband finds his ultimate joy in providing for and participating in the happiness of his wife.

The kind of love God instructs for marriage is one that can be taught (Titus 2:4). It is just such a love that causes the wife to seek the happiness of her husband (Ephesians 5:24). This kind of wife is pictured in Proverbs 31:10-31. She is not one who looks with bitterness upon her place in the home, nor upon her husband. Instead, she shows the example of joyful service that draws her husband closer to the Lord by her example (1 Peter 3:1-4). A loving wife looks with delight upon the happiness and accomplishments of her husband and is truly a help meet (or suitable) for him each step of the way.

Where love exists between husband and wife, it will be extended towards the children as well. Children will see love defined and exemplified each day as it is lived before their eyes. Parents, it is our responsibility to let love be seen as the norm for conduct within the home.

Where love is seen in word and action in the daily lives of the husband and wife, a powerful lesson is presented for the children in that home -- love is the expected standard for the behavior of all therein. Where that love is absent, children will also be deprived of learning and experiencing the love God intended. When the husband and wife do not have the proper love for one another, the stage is set for multiplied problems.

Children learn about love from their parents. When the love is not present in the home, the children will grow to imitate that same lack of love in their homes. What is the result? A multiplying of more and more unhappy, unloving homes with each generation. That lack of love will be displayed in bitterness and aggression between the husband and wife, then towards the children, and finally towards others with whom those children come in contact.

Unloving homes are often broken apart by divorce. It is beyond dispute that children of divorce experience greater risks of abuse, neglect, deprivation, future divorces in their marriages and other dangers. These problems merely set the stage for a cycle of more seeds of bitterness and the consequences wrought upon the next generation. The effects are being seen in our society today with the rising evidence of teen rage and violence. It should be no surprise when children who see bitterness, hatred and despair as the norm in life exhibit the fruits of those attitudes they have learned. When we look at the mess present in families across our nation, it is amazing to me that the situation is not worse. We are merely reaping what has been sown by a selfish and unloving generation (Galatians 6:7-9; Proverbs 14:34).

On the other hand, when the proper love is shown in the home, children more often grow to imitate that love in their families as well. The result of such families is a blessing to each family member and to the people around them. Society reaps the benefit of homes filled with love.

Respect for God

Second, God must be respected in the home for it to be complete. The psalmist said, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it" (Psalm 127:1). A joint effort to serve God provides the direction for the family to work together throughout life (1 Peter 3:7). That joint commitment reaches past life into eternity. It gives a lasting quality to the love God expects of each member of the family as they unite in loving service of something greater than self.

As the wise man of old said, "Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man" (Ecclesiastes 12:13). God designed us as creatures who should reverently serve Him. When that central purpose of man is overlooked, it leaves one without the proper foundation for all aspects of life.

Conclusion

Today's society has denied these two important components to successful families. Instead of selfless love for another, the selfish "what's in it for me" attitude has prevailed. Instead of jointly serving God, people have increasingly denied God the rightful place as Lord and Master of their lives. Examining the evidence seen around us daily shows there is enough blame to go around. One does not need to look far to see husbands and fathers who are not providing leadership in love, commitment, selfless service and godly living. In many cases, this is where the bulk of problems originate within families. However, as the feminist mentality takes hold of more and more women, the bitterness and selfishness characteristic of that movement have caused untold destruction on families. It is a sad fact that many women view it as progress when they are able to vent rage just like men. Our society is suffering the effects.

The family that God describes in the Bible still works. It is still a place where joy and peace abound. This kind of family can be built if each member of the family sets his heart to love the others more than self and seek God's will above all else. Let us build the kind of homes God designed in His word.

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